


we are not what we once were

by 10velysweetfantasy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AU - Famous but not in NCT, Fluff and Angst, Kinda messy, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Party, Post-Break Up, they're very bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 03:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20521364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10velysweetfantasy/pseuds/10velysweetfantasy
Summary: Ten and Kun meet again at a party thrown by their record company.





	we are not what we once were

**Author's Note:**

> This was adapted from a short story that I did with original characters, so if anything seems a little weird I'm very sorry and I'll make an effort to fix them shortly!

Ten’s heart slammed against his chest in time with the beat of the song that was drifting through the SUV and penetrating the quiet atmosphere. His eyes were locked on the building that they were parked in front of, carefully watching the door and the people entering through it. He felt a semblance of gratitude towards his older sister for reminding him to put on extra deodorant as sweat slid down his back.

It was a warm night in Seoul, not too humid and not too dry, making it wonderful weather for Rising Star studios to throw their debut party for yet another new artist. Although Ten should have been polite enough to try to memorize their name, try to memorize the fact if they were a solo artist or not, it was a miracle he had even shown up to the damn thing and so he felt that was polite enough on his part. 

Fingers brushed against his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts and jerking him back to reality harshly. Ten’s eyes met his sister’s briefly before returning to the entrance, observing closely, watching to see if the one person he was avoiding would actually attend; it was doubtful considering his source had told him that this person had not RSVPed but he was a thorough person with a violent fear.

“We don’t have to go in, Tennie,” Lisa’s voice was soft, a contrast to her usual loud tone that demanded attention and adoration. The only person Ten had ever really observed his younger sister be gentle towards was himself, and he had to attribute it to their close relationship. “We can go home and watch movies instead. You can tell people you got caught up in one of your writing fevers.” 

Ten huffed out a sigh that had his breath fogging up the glass. He wished very badly that he was at home experiencing one of his “writing fevers” that consisted of him locking himself in his room until he had completed the song that had taken place in his brain and consumed his life. Rather, though, he was at this party, and since he was here and  _ he _ was not, he would be damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy himself. 

“No,” Ten said firmly, lips twisting down into their signature pout of a scowl. He threw open the SUV door, startling both Lisa and the driver, and stepped down as gracefully as the stretch of his pants would allow, taking extra care not to fall flat on his face. “Time to face the music. Plus, I’ve got to support the fresh meat. I was them not too long ago, correct?” 

And this was a fact, because for all of Ten’s glorious and unexpected success, not that long ago he had really only been a new star. He’d had his own debut party and only hoped desperately everyone would be kind to him.

Uncertainty flashed over Lisa’s face for a moment, but then a proud smile took its place and she joined her brother outside of the car. The sibling’s were a startling, beautiful sight, opposites in appearances but similar in the vibes they gave off. Lisa’s ivory romper showed off her long tan legs and set off her silvery locks and sparkling brown eyes; whereas, Ten’s dyed red hair brushed over his eyebrows, the color of his suit a stark contrast. He appreciated the emerald green fabric despite it not necessarily matching with his hair, and his obsidian eyes sparkled just as much as his sister’s.

“Let’s go give them a show.” Lisa grinned, locking arms with Ten and leading him towards the entrance. Ten’s heart was still in time with the beat they had left behind, but at least a smug smile graced his features now. 

*

_ Kun was angry; it wasn’t the normal kind of angry though that you could express with a raised voice, a clenched fist. _

_ It was an internalized anger directed towards himself that was slowly eating away at his insides, bringing him closer to the edge of lashing out everyday. And there was no real reason for it other than he felt as if he was losing his mind over the album that was in the works. He was good at writing songs, creating music, making people feel things, and he knew that, but lately, it seemed as if becoming a sell out and allowing someone else to write his songs for him would be a whole lot easier. _

_ Of course, the boys were vehemently against it, trying to support their front man in his “time of trouble” but it had been two days since Kun had left the studio, and he was beginning to think that he should just apologize to the boys and inform them he could no longer find the outlet of inspiration in him that used to thrive at the beginning of his career.  _

_ His bright, burning career. Being the lead man of Weishen was not easy, and nor had it ever been easy to lead a group of rowdy boys as well as write every single one of their hits. Except, somehow, it felt a lot easier at the beginning than it did at this point. _

_ His thoughts ran rampant as he rested his head in his hands, a sigh filtering through his lips. It was late out, at least it was the last time he checked the phone, and it was probably a good idea for him to get home.  _

_ This thought process was left as incomplete as the current song he was working on when the door creaked open and in tiptoed a wide eyed beauty.  _

_ The boy’s obsidian eyes widened at the sight of Kun sitting on the couch, clothing rumpled and bags under his eyes. His equally as obsidian hair was a bit of a ruffled mess, and it was clear that he had probably been there about as long as Kun had. What was interesting though, was that he seemed eager rather than tired, and he couldn’t have been older than nineteen. Kun ran a hand through his hair, appraising the fresh meat of the company. _

_ “Sorry,” he spoke up, his voice sweeter than honey, but slightly higher pitched with a soft cutting edge to it. It was an interesting, sultry blend and Kun could clearly see why the company would sign him; there was always room for unique voices around there, and he should know, considering he was one of them. “I still don’t know my way around here,  _ obviously.  _ I didn’t mean to interrupt.” _

_ “No, that’s okay,” Kun interrupted the apology, gesturing for him to fully come into the studio, eager for human interaction. “You weren’t really interrupting anything, anyways. You’re new, right? The new artist everyone keeps talking about?” _

_ It could have been a trick of the shadows in the dim lighting, but Kun was almost certain he saw redness form on the dark haired boy’s cheeks. “Everyone’s talking about me, huh?” He sounded embarrassed rather than pleased about that fact and Kun longed to know why, but the boy carried on before he could ask. “Yeah, that’s me. They call me V, but you can call me Ten. And you’re Indy, right? From Weishen?” _

_ Kun wanted to be surprised, but he knew better. He was easily recognizable ever since his latest album had been released and his group’s popularity had risen. He couldn’t help but be endeared by the way Ten leant his slight frame against the door rather than coming to sit across from him. Everything about Ten’s obvious shyness from being around a “big star” had Kun’s face softening into a smile, flashing his well known dimple. _

_ “Yeah,” he said, resting his chin in his hand as he observed the boy with interest. “But you can call me Kun, all my friends do.” He paused as red stained Ten’s porcelain cheeks again. “Hey, happen to know anything about fixing a bout of writer’s block?” _

_ And just like that, all the previous shyness had slipped away and in its place was left a confident young man, taking a pen into his hand and emptying his thoughts and heart’s desire onto a page. Kun could only watch in awe as Ten’s soft but cutting voice rasped out a few of the lines that he had scrawled across the page. Ten’s handwriting was flowing and pretty compared to Kun’s own hurried scratch out words. _

_ Kun didn’t know at the moment, but he had fallen for Ten, and hard. _

*

Kun had been reluctant to attend the debut party, even going as far as not even bothering to RSVP. He would have much rather preferred being sprawled out on his kitchen floor until inspiration struck, something he had been doing a lot of lately only to realize that his inspiration was across the world, lighting up the stage with his burning personality and all consuming presence. Yet, somehow, one of his little minxes had managed to guilt trip him into accompanying the rest of the group to the party.

As much as he loved to support new artists, clear by his eager willingness to assist any newbie that requested his collaboration on a project, he despised parties. Yukhei, quite intune to his best friend’s behaviorisms after several years of both working together and living together, kept sending a multitude of warning looks. Sicheng, who Kun felt the closest to when it came to wishing to be left alone, was sulking right beside Kun, remaining withdrawn and silent.

“I think you’re going to find his work just brilliant,” Yuqi, a well-versed manager at Rising Star, crooned. She seemed quite clearly excited about the newest artist they had signed, but it was also just another part of her personality. Kun had mostly zoned out at this point, finding her comments to be repetitive and uninteresting, allowing Yangyang and Yukhei to do most of the talking. “Kun will probably like him. His work is a lot similar to V’s.”

Kun’s heart stopped beating for a nanosecond and a roaring began in his ears as it always did when his ex boyfriend was brought up in a casual conversation, in a casual setting. Yangyan’s deep brown eyes settled on his best friend, concern present in them. After nearly two years, you’d think that he would have come to terms with the fact that Ten and him would have never worked out. They were destined for tragedy, as Ten had determined when he ended the relationship, claiming that they were star-crossed lovers; this was a concept that Kun noticed he was obsessed with though he had never vocalized so.

“Oh my goodness, by the way, V’s new album is good!” Yuqi’s face was lit up with admiration and adoration, as it was every time she spoke of an artist that she was fond of and she was  _ especially  _ fond of Ten, considering the amount of photos of them together that were plastered on social media. “It’s just so beautiful and tragic, he really outdid himself, I swear.” She stopped talking for a moment and Kun, whose ears were still ringing and roaring, genuinely hoped this meant she was moving onto another topic. 

How woefully wrong he had been.

“ _ Ten _ !” The ear shrieking squeal broke through the ringing of his ears, the sound coming from the petite blonde that stood before him, but her eyes no longer on the group of boys she had previously been talking to. Her attention was now directed towards something behind them, more so,  _ someone _ .

Kun turned slowly, afraid of what exactly he would see once he looked. His lungs contracted and forgot to function as he tried hard to take in the sight before him. Ten was a captivating sight with his crimson hair carefully styled to perfection, and his pouty lips caught between his teeth as his younger sister spoke to him. Kun began to count, wondering just how long it would take Ten to notice him.

Yuqi emitted another squeal and suddenly, Ten’s sparkling eyes were concentrated on Kun. From where he stood, Ten doubled over, ducking behind Lisa. It felt as if he had been shot several times in the heart, seeing Kun standing there looking beautiful and just as lovely as when he had last seen him. His dark waves were just as messy and begging to be tamed by Ten’s hands, his black T-shirt was still wrinkled, still tan and tall; the only thing that was different was the sadness that lingered in his eyes as he stared at her. 

The mole by his eye seemingly begged for Ten’s lips to meet it once again.

Lisa reached out to hold her brother’s hand but was startled by the shadow of Yangyang falling over her. A pleasant look had formed on his face, a friendly smile gracing his features, but Ten knew better. He had spent enough time with Kun’s bandmates to know their true emotions and true motives. 

“Yangyang,” Ten greeted his old friend in a hushed tone that was a complete contrast to the badass persona he gave off to the public. “I hadn’t been made aware that you boys would be attending.”

Yangyang’s smile hardened into a smirk that border lined on a grimace. Ten had the urge to smack it off his face but instead forced his lips into the polite smile that he had been trained to wear at a young age. “I’m sure you hadn’t,” Yangyang said, showing no reaction as Sicheng came to stand by his side. Sicheng’s dark eyes scanned over Ten before his head cocked to the side; the signature confused puppy look that Ten was sure each of the boys had. “Or else you wouldn’t be here.”

Yukhei was next to join them, his bright and welcoming appearance lessening the tension somewhat, although it didn’t stop Lisa from throwing him a warning glare.

“Hi, Ten!” He exclaimed exuberantly, clearly the only one that was welcoming of Ten’s presence. He reached out for a hug, and both Ten and Lisa allowed it. As his warmth surrounded Ten, he resisted the urge to cling to him until the end of the party. There had always been a certain comforting aura about Yukhei which was something Ten could really use in the moment. “You look amazing, but you always do. I haven’t seen you around so I haven’t been able to tell you that the red hair really suits you.”

“Thanks,” Ten was choosing his words carefully, all too certain that if he slipped up, the situation could blow up in the middle of the party. Although he was speaking to the boys that stood right before him, his eyes were drawn elsewhere; they were drawn to Kun, as they always were when the two occupied the same room. Kun was watching Ten with caution, as if he was afraid he was going to get his heart broken once more. Lisa’s touch to Ten’s shoulder broke the staring contest and Ten ducked his head down, finding that his shoes were suddenly much more interesting than the people he was supposed to be interacting with.

“I listened to  _ Star-Crossed _ . It was pretty... interesting.” The snark in Sicheng’s voice stung more than Ten expected it to. It wasn’t like he was dim, he was fully aware of the fact that the moment that he broke things off with Kun, Sicheng had taken to disliking him. It was foolish of him to hold out some sort of hope that Sicheng would at least try to behave civilly with him.

Of course, though, who could blame the Weishen members from feeling bitterness towards Ten using his feeling towards their leader to write an entire album. An album that was topping charts, nonetheless. Bile burned Ten’s throat, guilt seering his guts.

“Excuse me,” Lisa’s tone was soft but firm and Ten was thankful for her once again. Sicheng straightened up immediately, having been at the receiving end of tongue lashings from the young woman before. “Tennie and I have  _ actual  _ friends to greet. Nice seeing you.”

Ten gripped his sister’s hand as they walked away, ignoring the way the spot between his shoulder blades itched from the eyes that were burning into his back.

***

_ The ringing in Ten’s ears almost completely drowned out his manager’s voice as she tried to ask him if he was okay. He was far from okay after the conversation that had just transpired. A hand rested on his shoulder, perhaps for comfort or to draw his attention back to the matter at hand, but rather, it drew his attention to the fact that he was trembling.  _

_ He swallowed hard, biting her quivering lower lip. “Are you saying,” his voice was lower than usual, raspier than usual due to the fact that it was taking every ounce of strength within him not to burst into tears. Not only did he have a reputation to uphold, he also had several executives and higher ups from Rising Star staring him down; there was no way he would break before them. “That you want me to break up with Kun before going on tour?” _

_ His manager, who had been cool and detached from the day she had been assigned to him, plastered a sympathetic look on her face. He could have spat at her face but instead dug his nails into the leather upholstery of the chair he was sitting in, imagining that he was doing so to her face. “Well, sweetie,” she cooed, as if he was the same little boy he had been when he first hired her. “We just want what’s best for you two. Now you don’t have to give an answer now, but I’d like to discuss this again soon. Just consider it, won’t you? _

_ Ten blinked at her, clearing tears from his eyes enabling him to look around the room at the other expectant faces peering at him. He stood from his chair on shaky legs and nodded slowly, to indicate that he would “consider it” like she had asked of him. His manager beamed, clearly pleased and opened her mouth as if she had more to say, but he had decided that he had heard enough for the day. Without so much as another word to the inhabitants of the room, he exited and beelined straight for the elevator. _

_ The moment the doors shut, Ten allowed himself to crumble, and consider the consequences of what was to come after this conversation. By the time the doors opened again, his eyes were clear of tears and his heart throbbed at the realization that not only had he come to a decision, he had come to terms with his decision. _

_ “Two households in fair Verona,” he muttered with a bitter laugh encompanying. “Star crossed lovers exist everywhere, don’t they?” _

_ *** _

_ Kun could feel it before it happened. It was like an impending sense of doom, the calm before the storm, so to speak. Ten was spending more time with him at the studio, but acting less like himself. He’d stare blankly at the wall for what felt like an hour, then would force himself back to the paper in front of him that had more scratched out words than anything else.  _

_ Ten wasn’t himself, and it was killing Kun. He found himself giving Ten more hugs more often, for no good reason either. There was just some driving force inside of him that screamed that Ten needed a hug, and he believed it too. Earlier in the week, he had hugged Ten before he left for an interview and he had broken down in his arms, tears staining his shirt and Ten’s hiccuping sobs penetrating the quiet of the studio; he ran off before Kun could question him on it. _

_ Now there they were, standing in his apartment kitchen, having one of their last days together before they would both be parting ways for separate tours, separate lives. Ten stood at the counter, waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, and once again, stared at the wall, gaze completely blank. _

_ “Baby,” Kun called out from his perch at the breakfast bar. His face was pinched, pulled down into a frown as he observed his boyfriend. Ten blinked several times before bringing his eyes to Kun’s face; he started at the fact that they were still blank. “Baby, why don’t you come sit with me? I’ll get up and get your coffee once it’s done.” _

_ The kitchen fell silent and Kun’s eyebrows furrowed together at the fact that Ten wasn’t answering him. He watched his other half intently, wondering if somehow, in the silence, he could piece together what had happened, where their illusion of love had begun to shatter; where  _ Ten  _ had begun to shatter. When he found no answers for that, he began to grasp for things to say, anything to make the situation better. _

_ He came to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do, and allowed the silence to reign until Ten was prepared. _

_ “I’m sorry, Kun,” Ten said, but his voice was lacking emotion, as if he had already prepared himself for this moment, which Kun could only assume he had. Ten never went into situations blind or unprepared, and this was no exception. His heart clenched in his chest, and he knew that what he had been anticipating for weeks now was finally happening. “I’m so sorry. We can’t do this anymore. I’m too young, my career is too new. You’re a distraction.” His next words were abrupt, as if he hadn’t planned on them being apart of his speech. “I’ve told you so many times that our relationship reminded me of star crossed lovers. It had to happen.”  _

_ Ten’s words were painful, like a sharp slap to his face. Kun stood up, desiring to fight the other on this, but the moment he looked up and Kun saw the agony that hid under the surface, he sat back down. Ten was already suffering enough, Kun couldn’t prolong this or make it harder for him. _

_ “I’m sorry too,” he whispered. _

_ Ten’s smile was bitter and he shrugged. “Don’t be. Don’t look so sad either. I was just your newest young fling, right? You’ll get over it, Indy. Write a song or something. I can be a muse even in the aftermath, just you watch.” _

_ And with those hurtful words, he was gone, slipping from the apartment with grace. Kun watched the door shut, chest aching and eyes stinging. He had loved Ten, and he was sure of that, but he was also sure it was too soon for them; star crossed indeed, at least this time.  _

Maybe someday, _ passed through his mind but it was brief and slipped through his grasp like smoke, just as Ten had.  _

***

Kun couldn’t decide what he liked better on Ten; his natural black hair or the defiant artificial crimson red. He wished he could dwell on something else after seeing Ten for the first time in two years, but his mind just kept coming back to that one thought. Even as Lisa lead the red haired beauty away, his mind tried to work through which hair color was preferred. It was pathetic, and he knew, but he was also a lovesick fool.

“Kun,” Yangyang’s voice interrupted the internal hair color debate. “Let’s go. Both of you in the same space is disastrous.” 

Kun couldn’t disagree, but by the unsettling way his heart thrummed rapidly, he knew that he wasn’t about to leave. Not when Ten was here, just a few feet away, his smile lighting up the room as he hugged Yuqi. Not when that suit hugged his curves in the most inviting away and when his hair was pushed back from his face, showing off all the sharp angles of his cheek bones.

“This has got to end,” Kun whispered, directed towards himself and the man across the room, who was completely unaware of the inner turmoil he was experiencing just by looking at him.

Yangyang’s face scrunched up from confusion. “What?” he questioned, looking between his bandmate and his old friend, intelligent enough to acknowledge the fact that whatever Kun was thinking, it had to do with Ten . “What are you talking about, Indy?” The use of his nick name jolted Kun slightly, reminding him of the break up, but he didn’t let it bother him for too long.

He rolled his shoulders back, mentally preparing himself to walk over to Ten and greet him. Two things happened at once, both preventing the long awaited reunion; Yukhei intercepted, standing between the ex lovers, and over Yukhei’s shoulder, Kun watched Ten sink into a man’s arms, eyelashes fluttering in that way they did when he was pleased.

He choked out, “He’s with someone?”

Yukhei’s gaze was sympathetic as he regarded his best friend. “I’m sorry, Kunnie. Sicheng noticed and he thought we shouldn’t tell you, but you deserve to know. Johnny Suh. A model or something, I guess. No one really knows what’s going on with them.” 

Kun nodded slowly, though he was barely retaining the information as he watched the man he was still very much painfully in love with. Ten laughed at something the man had said, his hand gliding over the other’s chest in the familiar gesture he did when he wanted someone to quiet down. The man tilted his head down, whispering something into Ten’s ear that had his head jerking back and shoving him. Lisa caught him, her own face lit up with glee and laughter. 

The oxygen left his lungs and he found he could no longer watch the sight before him. Without much thought, he turned and walked away as fast as his feet would carry him. Yukhei and Yangyang called after him while Sicheng tried to silence them, not wanting to draw attention to the situation. Kun couldn’t care less if people noticed his sudden exit, the only thing that mattered was getting away from Ten and his new boyfriend. 

He slammed the elevator button so hard he feared he might have broken it, but remained unbothered. He stepped into the elevator the moment the doors opened and dropped his head into his hands, the confinement of the small space bringing some semblance of comfort. Before the doors slid shut, though, a body slid through and a sharp slap was delivered to his arm. His head jerked up and he came face to face with the center of his suffering.

Ten’s lips were twisted into a grim looking frown, one that used to communicate to Kun that he was in for a good long lecture, but he wasn’t exactly certain what it communicated in the moment. Ten stared at him for a pregnant moment then let out a long sigh, abruptly slamming his elbow into the button that stopped the elevator. Kun gaped at him, shocked at the fact that he was the same as ever, even after all of this time.

“You’re not supposed to do that, you know,” Kun exclaimed before he could stop himself. He was rewarded with an amused smile, and the familiarity of Ten simultaneously ducking his head and bringing his hand up to cover it. His heart throbbed, finding the action as endearing as he always had. 

“I’m not supposed to do a lot of things and yet I still do them,” Ten reminded him matter of factly. “Dyed my hair, wasn’t supposed to do that. Released  _ Star-Crossed _ two months early, wasn’t supposed to do that. Man were they angry about that, whatever, my album, my decision.” He paused and his voice softened for the next part. “I broke up with you, and I wasn’t supposed to do that.”

Their eyes met and Kun licked his lips, taken aback by the emotions displayed on Ten’s face. He hated to show his real feelings to people anywhere other than his songs, and to see him so open and honest was an electrifying feeling. Kun inhaled deeply before backing Ten into the wall, caging the smaller boy in his arms. Ten raised his chin defiantly, eyes meeting Kun’s own, signalling that he wasn’t going to run away this time.

“Then why’d you do it?” Kun demanded, scanning Ten’s face for any sign of the truth of how he could leave so abruptly and painfully. He rested his hands on Kun’s chest smoothing at the material of his shirt before gripping it and pulling his face down closer to his own.

“Because,” Ten whispered, his breath brushing against the taller’s cheek. “I was young and dumb, career hungry. And the company put these awful thoughts inside my head, thoughts I couldn’t ignore. So I broke it off before you went on tour, thought it was the right thing to do.” His eyes fluttered shut, his nose brushing against Kun’s. “But it wasn't. It was so wrong. I made the stupidest mistake. Do you think you can forgive me?”

Kun pressed his lips to her forehead and was rewarded with a content sigh. He brought his mouth down to Ten’s ear, muttering, “Before I answer that, is it about me?  _ Star-Crossed _ ?”

Ten’s laughter filled the elevator and Kun’s heart, and his hands slid down the older’s chest to his waist where he wound his arms around him. “Baby.” He chuckled, apparently amused by this question. “Everything I write is about you, for you, it’s  _ all for you _ .”

“Good.” Kun buried his face in the red locks he truly adored so much, holding Ten close. “Because I write everything for you too. You were right, even in the aftermath and the heartbreak, you were my muse.”

The elevator fell silent, the weight of the words hanging heavy. The moment that had eluded them for so long was finally there, yet neither of them knew exactly how to go about it, both lost in each other and their feelings. Kun saw no need to fill the silence, rather bringing his lips to Ten’s, kissing the younger as he had been longing to do for what felt like an eternity. Briefly, he contemplated if Ten could tell how much he longed for him and missed him. 

Against Kun’s lips, amusement tainting Ten’s voice, he admitted in a whisper, “Missed you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this lil slice of Kunten! comments and kudos are always very appreciated and encouraging! 
> 
> Come yell at me in my [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/nanasbun) and follow me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/nneptuness) !


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